Mental Health

I was self-diagnosed with depression at the tender young age of thirteen. It's okay, you can laugh. I diagnosed myself wrong. Because I was thirteen and I didn't understand how I was feeling and I was going through an intense period of self-discovery. The thing is, though, I could have been right. And no one would have known. I didn't tell my parents, I didn't tell my real friends, I didn't talk to anyone about it. And that wasn't a good situation.

Here's the thing about mental health, suffering through it by yourself only makes things worse. Because your mind takes things and runs with them. You get stuck in this toxic loop of self destruction, and if you're not careful, that can lead to really dark places, and sometimes, though I hate to say it, suicide.

Now, this is not to glorify suicide. Suicide is terrible. A person should never feel desperate enough to turn to suicide, and the fact that some do, shows just how bad the world is. But people can get help, and, dare I say it, that's where so many of us go wrong when it comes to mental health.

Often, people with mental illnesses feel alone, unworthy, unwanted, misunderstood. Other people don't like to listen to mentally ill people talk about their mental illness a lot of the time, because it makes them feel bad, either because they don't know how to help, or because it triggers unhealthy things in them too. I admit, I am one of the biggest culprits both of this, and of over sharing about my mental health and bringing others down.

Talking about mental health to people who will listen is such a relief sometimes. It feels like they get it, it feels like they sympathize, and it feels like you are not alone. But this can be dangerous. Because when sharing about something that you feel someone else relates with, one can tend to go overboard, and that isn't healthy for you, or for the poor soul you've decided to spew your deepest darkest thoughts to. This is what therapists are for.

I get it. Therapist is a big scary word that most people don't want to touch with a ten foot pole, but therapists are here to help. I know many people who have benefited so much from seeing a therapist regularly. Therapists are not the enemy that asks you "and how does that make you feel?". Okay, so they might ask that, I don't know, I've never been, but therapists will help you, as long as you let them.

But, sometimes therapists aren't an option. I know, I've been there. Sometimes money is an issue, sometimes you just aren't sure if you're really mentally ill enough to see a therapist, because you've never been formally diagnosed. I get it. I don't know what advice to give to you, because everyone's situation is different.

I am of the opinion that I have high functioning anxiety, and term coined, to my knowledge, by my cousin who used to have the same thing. Her anxiety is now much less high functioning, but she and I have had conversations, because she really has been diagnosed with anxiety, and she's okay discussing things like this with me. We've talked about things she's been through, and there was no way I could have had that conversation without relating to just about every word. She has anxiety meds. She, I believe, goes to therapy. She's working on getting better. I am not. Partially because, lately, my anxiety has been behaving. It's been leaving me alone, for the most part, and when it rears its ugly head, it's been in small amounts. Enough that I recognize it, and realise that I need to resolve the situation I'm in, but not enough that I'm going into panic mode or having an anxiety attack.

I've been better. And, I don't know if that is due to any lifestyle change, or if it's because I've been avoiding things that tend to trigger my anxiety like the plague, but whatever it is, it's been working. For me. I cannot speak for anyone else.

There was a point to this. I sort of lost it along the way, but I guess, to wrap this up, I'll just say this:
If you are struggling with mental health, try to do everything you can to get better. Do everything in your power. Take care of yourself. We love you. We all want you to be doing alright. And don't hide things from those you love. They deserve to know what you're going through, and you owe it to them to let them try and help. Don't take on the world by yourself, because you need the people around you. They were given to you for a reason.